I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
