I just saw a hot homeless man
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
