i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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