You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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