and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
