Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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