I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
