Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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