She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
