But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
