toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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