Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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