the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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