I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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