Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
