Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
