Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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