and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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