Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
