yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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