Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can I color on your dick again?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
