i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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