I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
