So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
