Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
