Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize