and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
