A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
