Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
