he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im six kinds of drunk right now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
