I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
