my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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