1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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