in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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