she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I need a beard to bite.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
