Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
