Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
