If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
