Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
