i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
