also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
