Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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