pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
