Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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