I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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