Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
