i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a search helicopter?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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