Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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