He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
