I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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