just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
