i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
