Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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