I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
