Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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