I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
