That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
