I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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