what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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