I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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