So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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